Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Dreaming a Dream

They dream about something wonderful, something cool, something beautiful.
They strike forward the obstacles. They take the risks undoubt.
They believe with their dreams.

But I feel like i'm losing hope, cause I don't have any dream to hold. I keep going make something with my best, just to crash my rivals. My desire is to win, number one or nothing. I learn too many things, until I realize that I never really learn about what I want. I just want to know about everything but not focus on one thing. My intention break apart to many ways, then starts fading, and become so hazy. I just keep doing something without getting something. It feels like I'm running full speed with blind eyes. I'm tired to chase nothing. I want to catch the star, but I don't know which one is mine. And again, I feel like I don't know myself at all.

(Still, there are people hold me even when I never really appreciate them enough. I stand here want to be alone and lonely, being so selfish.)

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Friend in Need is Friend Indeed

I got many friends. But there just a few friends that I really share anything about. I will tell them everything like family, love thingy, passion, college, even random thought and unreal imagination. I don't meet them everytime, but when we got time together will be unforgetable. Don't expect something sweet between our friendship. People will look at us and tell how boring our days. We are normal people, really normal like have nothing special. We go to normal places and do ordinary things. But I never regret, because I enjoy our day.

They are who listen to me even when I tell the same story twice. They are who see me crying because it means I already let my guards down. They are who will not tell me I'm wrong even they already warned me before, but they will help to bring me up and solve the problem. They are who will stand beside me to having fun and trying to be better together. They are who may not really understand me but tried to. They are who give me space to be alone. They are who knows my little things or my habits when I don't even realize. They are who comforts me in bad day. They are them.

We don't call, message, or talk everyday like every besfriends do. But we have a lot things to talk when we meet each other. We don't say anything sweet each other even in birthday greetings, well actually I'm not that really care about birthday. Forget a birthday date is not means we are not bestfriends anymore. i mean, friendship is not about birthday date. True friend will always pray for you, not just in birthday greetings.

Yes, they just a few in many friends. I will not let them go, but I am not always stick to them and tell them to not friends with another. I try to be the best for them because I know that I am not easy to trust someone. So, if I trust you, be glad cause you may one in million that I really care about.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Berbunga

Maret.
Aku harap kamu bunga.
Aku harap kita harum.
Aku harap kita berjumpa.
Jumpa di waktu yang tidak tertolak,
dan kita berbunga.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Percakapan Aku dengan Dia

Pagi, lalu siang. Sore, lalu malam. Duh, pagi lagi. Duh, kuliah lagi. Ya ampun tugasnya belum selesai. Ah, kebut aja deh sabodo teuing hasilnya.
Gitu-gitu terus. Tiba-tiba udah seminggu. Eh, bukan seminggu, gak kerasa sebulan. Sebulan yang tidak sesuai resolusi. Makan gak dipilih, bersih-bersih gak jalan, ibadah gak khusyu', tugas keteteran, buka-buka sosmed terus, gak produktif. Aaah..

Bosan. Bosan sama teman-teman. Bosan sama kos-an. Bosan sama kerjaan. Bosan.
Buka mata, ketemu langit-langit yang sama. Mandi dengan durasi yang sama. Baju gitu-gitu aja. Berangkat pulang kampus gak ada yang berubah.

Parah. Umur segini, tambah doang, gede engga. Ya ampun mau sampai kapan ya? Tanya-tanya terus tapi cari jawabannya di folder film. Hikmah film, katanya. Percuma kali, film selesai, hidup masih berjalan. Tiap hari mau hidup bareng film emangnya?

Yaudah ah, cari-cari di luar. Jauh-jauh dari yang gak enak. Mengasingkan diri yang paling disuka, kan? Pergi sana, keluar! Sendiri tapi tidak pernah sepi, kan? Sudah sana, jangan keluar!
Butuh teman, katanya. Tapi tidak mau yang ini, malas. Tidak pengertian, egois, mau enak saja. Tidak mau yang itu juga, ribet. Tidak peka, ingin tahu urusan orang, tidak mendengarkan. Ah, tidak nyaman.
Mau cari yang baru, katanya. Ayo, coba saja. Kesini bisa, kesitu bisa. Ketemu dengan takdir kan. Takdir butuh waktu, sedangkan ia tidak sabar.

Cari, cari, cari terus..

Ketemu?

Sudah pas?

Belum juga?

Sudah menyerah?

Masih ingin bersikukuh?

Ya ampun, bagaimana sih yang dicari?
Sempurna?
Hahaha, lucu dia. Mencari yang seperti itu akan habis waktu. Belum tentu ada. Ah tidak, tidak ada. Tidak percaya, kan? Ya memang, dia batu.
Terserah, tunggu hingga dia lelah.

Nah, akhirnya. Sudah lelah? Sudah tidak mau melanjutkan pencarian lagi?

"Percuma. Aku rasa tidak akan menemukannya, setidaknya pasti akan sangat lama. Aku lelah. Mengejar sempurna yang kubuat nyata, tapi kejarannya fana."

Ah masa? Kamu yakin? Tidak akan berubah pikiran, nih?

"Sudah, aku sudah. Aku sudah saja."

Kenapa bisa tiba-tiba begini? Kemarin-kemarin kan tidak seperti ini.

"Pagi itu aku melamun. Yah, memandang langit-langit kamar yang sama seperti hari-hari sebelumnya. Aku merasa lelah. Hasilnya tidak ada apa-apa, bahkan tidak bertambah sedikit pun. Karena harus ke kampus, aku mandi segera. Merasakan air pancuran seperti dicurahkan kasih Allah, segar. Mengancingkan kemeja yang kubeli sudah lama, masih pas. Mengikat boots yang aku impikan dulu. Keluar pagar kos, menuju kampus. Desir angin jam 8 pagi. Aroma masak warteg kesayangan. Jalanku seperti ringan. Bukan semangat, tapi tidak malas."

Sudah, karena itu saja?

"Tidak. Bukan hanya atau saja. Yang tadi sudah cukup banyak. Sampai akhirnya aku pulang dari kampus diantar teman dekat. Baik sekali mengantar sampai depan pagar kos. Selalu, setiap hari."

Oh, sudah mensyukuri teman yang sekarang?

"Ya. Tapi bukan hanya teman. Ketika aku membuka pintu kamar kos, aku bingung."

Bingung kenapa? Barangmu hilang? Dicuri? Wah, gawat! Daerahmu memang sedang rawan.

"Tidak ada yang hilang. Justru aku merasa lengkap. Aku bingung, apalagi yang aku minta kemarin-kemarin? Semuanya sudah ada. Kenapa aku haus jika aku sudah kembung?"

Ketemu jawabannya?

"Ya. Aku serakah. Aku selalu mencari tapi tidak pernah menikmati. Aku selalu meminta tapi tidak pernah menuang cinta. Aku sibuk menanam bibit baru, hingga buah-buah yang ranum akhirnya jadi busuk. Harusnya aku puas. Harusnya aku bersyukur. Semuanya sudah lebih dari yang seharusnya aku dapatkan. Aku hanya harus belajar sederhana."

Apa itu?

"Mengerti sesuatu bukan dengan memakluminya, tapi dengan mensyukurinya."

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Aku Pulang dengan Dia

Dedaunan gantung di ranting
Kembang menunggu masa
Angin tertiup meliuk samping
Menyentuh telinga terasa

Pejamkan mata, nafas ini sudah lama
Senyum menyungging mesra
Lepaskan yang lalu dan dilema
Di sudut itu dia sangat kentara

Sudah sekian kali aku mencuri waktu
Sekejap lewat di bola matanya
Aku memang semau itu
Mengharap dia diam tak beranjak
Aku memang sesuka itu
Menyelinap di setiap sajak

Hari itu waktuku habis
Tapi tidak sesia-sia orang bilang
Dan hari itu aku pulang seorang diri
Tapi tidak sesepi orang bilang

Sore-sore dingin yang hari ini tidak aku benci,
aku mau memberitahu,
Hari ini dia seperti biasa
Masih cuek lengkap dalam ekspresi
Aku juga masih sulit menemukannya
Padahal setiap menit aku siap dihadirkan sosoknya

Ah, sepertinya dia bebal
Ramai memenuhi otak nih..
Kapan lagi bertemu?
Kapan lagi berpapasan?
Kapan lagi melihat wajah cueknya?
Kapan lagi mencuri pandang dari seberang?

Memang, buat aku
pulang sendiri tidak sesepi itu kok..





Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Me, myself, and I.

I'm an introvert. I like to being alone without feeling lonely. When I get tired at the end of the day, i will not going to anyone. What I do is taking care myself. Maybe going out or cuddling with pillows with no one. Sing a song out loud or draw random things with no one.
I'm not saying that I can live with no one else in this crazy world. But there are times that I just not wanting anyone else included.

Unfortunately, I have bad personality, which really 'match' with introvert. I'm a person who is not easy to miss someone (if 'hard' kinda harsh word haha). I have really high ego. I will not call you (well I don't like telephone) or text you, if I don't have any questions to ask for or really miss you. Because i'm straight-to-the-point person so I don't want to take time just for ask someone's condition. Yes, it's not good, it's bad.

And yeah, that's true that I easily forget someone. But when I forget someone, maybe because you're not that special for me right?

Well, actually I really know myself. But there are people who can't deal with that (or am I too bad to deal with...) Until now, I never really change myself. With high ego, I just hope they will understand me or if they can't, they will leave me. I don't mind. When you're special to me, I will make sure that I will not lose you anyway. In strange actions, or not-sweet words, everyone who understands me will know how I send my love to my specials.

too bad, instagram not letting me to post gif image:(